Storm Inside

February 7, 2026.

I feel exhausted with myself. Not just tired, but worn down by the feeling that I should be doing better and I’m not. My body feels heavy and unreliable, like it’s working against me instead of with me. I wake up already low on energy, already irritated, already feeling behind. Small things feel difficult, and then I get angry at myself for finding them difficult.

I keep thinking that if I were stronger, more disciplined, more in control, things would be different. Instead, I feel stuck between knowing what needs to change and not being able to make myself change it. Time keeps moving and I feel like I’m standing still, watching it pass.

Today especially, I felt low enough that I reached out to people hoping someone would make me feel better. When that didn’t really work, I felt embarrassed for needing that in the first place. Like I should be able to handle myself better. Like needing comfort makes me weak. And then I judge myself for that too.

There’s frustration with my body, with my energy, with how hard everything feels. I don’t like feeling this dependent on moods or physical discomfort. I want to feel steady. Capable. In control of my reactions and my choices. Right now, I don’t.

Part of me knows this isn’t permanent, but in moments like this it feels like it is. It feels like I’m behind in too many areas at once, and I don’t know where to start fixing things without feeling overwhelmed. I want things to change. I want to show up differently. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m failing at it before I’ve even begun.

I think I just need to talk to Allah Tala...